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It takes a lot of time and a lot of money to run a website. A website must be designed, hosted, maintained, updated, and so on and so on. Where does all that money come from? You got it, a portion of that money comes from amazing sponsors. This website would not be possible without the sponsors we have. Please take a few minutes to browse the websites of our sponsors and look at the products and services they have to offer. Below is a list of the sponsors that make this site possible:
Thank you to all of our wonderful sponsors, because if it were not for you, this site would not be possible. If you are interested in sponsoring ConnectingDirectors.com please email: Ryan Thogmartin at ryan@connectingdirectors.com Caution: Sponsoring ConnectingDirectors.com get results!!
Apex Casket is pleased to announce the first of many new caskets for the summer of 2008. The Curved Top Hand Carved casket features hand finished carvings in the top of the casket. This casket gives our funeral homes a luxurious casket offeri ng at a price that is affordable for even the most budget minded family. These caskets feature hand-tailored velvet interior that is suitable for male and female alike. This solid Elmwood casket will be available for delivery starting in the middle of June. Apex continues its commitment to quality and innovation at a very affordable price with the Curved Top Hand Carved casket. The price to the funeral home is $1480; standard delivery included anywhere in the continental US.
In addition to the Carved Top casket, Apex continues to bring a full line of affordable quality caskets, both traditional and innovative, to our funeral directors. We have a continued commitment to provide the funeral industry with quality products in conjunction with competitive pricing. Watch for more new product releases in the coming weeks.
To see Apex’s entire product line, go to www.apexcasket.com . Email any questions to sales@apexcasket.com . You can also call to request a catalog at 1-888-680-6800.
I picked up this book and my first impression was one of gentleness. I have never before used that word to describe the ‘feel’ of a book in my hands. The visual of the cover picture immediately placed me in calm waters. I turned the book over and was greeted by the invitation to ‘Gifts of Music’ in CD format. That invitation in its unassuming, but noticeable blue frame, immediately made me decide that, for the money, this book would be a good investment.
When We Remember
Inspiration & Integrity for a Meaningful Funeral
By Melissa Abraham
Book Review collaboration by Randy McCormick and Archdeacon A.J. Hosking
I opened the book and found a CD neatly tucked into an easily accessible nesting compartment recessed inside the back cover. I placed the CD in my player and proceeded to read. A cup of tea, good music and an inviting book … What more could I ask for?
To the strains of “Amazing Grace’, I turned my attention to the Bibliography at the back and was swept into a rich world of source material. This book has obviously been well researched and compiled with the greatest of care and attention to detail. Wondering about the light pink tones on the corners of the Bibliography pages, I turned to Table of Contents to discover colour coding for each section. This in itself is a gift, making book marking almost unnecessary.
As I listened to a cello solo, I prepared myself to read. Already my mood was mellow and receptive. I was rewarded and found this book to be a fine compilation of resources for funeral preparation: one of its best features … its layout. The many themes were clearly outlined in the Contents section: four distinct parts with chapter headings, their contents clearly outlined.
While vocals of “Abide with Me’ lulled me with traditional magic, I contemplated this book further. I found the print font; the colour coding; attractive photography and artwork added to the ease and pleasure of the book’s reading, particularly in my search for particular themes. I found the resource section to be generous and helpful, both in general information for such things as eulogies, to specifics related to poetry, prose and music.
I believe this book to be an invaluable resource for funeral homes, their libraries and for those who are directly involved in the preplanning business.
‘Before the Fact’ … not ‘After the Fact’ would be my recommended reading schedule because I feel that families who have just experienced a death might find a lot of information to take in … but I hasten to add that it should NOT be disregarded. Even ‘After the Fact’ it contains the elements of an extremely healing journey. It is a book that many funeral directors would be wise to read and to consider as a part of the resource material they recommend.
The next day, with the CD playing in the background, I finished this review and a feeling of healing washed over me. This book is now a definite part of my library and will go on my personal list of recommended reading. With the above in mind, I find it well written in an ‘easy to read’ conversational style. Everything considered the inclusion of the music CD alone returns the asking price. The book is the cake. The music is the icing.
It is a ‘must buy’ for the progressive funeral director’s library.
Just wondering if the book is written by Melissa Abraham aka 3Thingz , who is a member of CD? If so, how nice to have an author among us who is not screaming to be heard but rather gently walks among us with her words of wisdom. I am always looking for interesting books which might be put to good use. Thanks for the heads up .. I am sure our families will be thanking you too!
Yes, the amazing author of this book is Connecting Directors member Melissa Abraham a.k.a "3thingz"
Monday is Memorial Day for those of us here in the US, and that means; a long weekend!! It also means one more extra day I can spend enjoying my family. We are spending the weekend at the lake to do some boating, sun tanning, and cooking out. So that means I will not be posting a blog on Monday, but I will be back in full swing Tuesday. I hope you all have a happy and safe weekend. Please keep in your prayers those who are fighting to keep us FREE and the families of those who have given their lives to keep us FREE. God Bless.
The above picture is of my daughter Kihryn taking her first boat ride (that she can remember) with her new big girl life vest!!!
On May 20th 2008 a patent was issued for the 1st “Tree Mounted” cremation urn. This patented product along with our trademarked “Memorial Tree” brand of goods and services will create the strongest new cremation brand and marketing source to build cremation funeral services from their current levels into a profit model consistent with established and traditional funeral, casket and plot burial services.
The “Memorial Tree” option will allow for current and previous cremation services to upgrade to a more memorable and longer lasting funeral service.
The “Memorial Tree” option will allow for a “Green” and environmentally friendly funeral choice which has a positive impact on the environment.
The “Memorial Tree” option will allow for the creation of a personal pre-need Funeral Registry website that invites family, friends and associates to participate in the selection, enhancement and funding of the deceased’s “Memorial Tree” products and ceremony. A true Memorial service, complete with a full product line and supported network of providers.
For additional information visit our website at www.funeralchannel.tv or contact:
Greg Vonderheide
Memorial Tree
29032 Rivergate Run
Wesley Chapel, Fl, 33543
813-240-2325
Who & What is LifeHonor.com ? LifeHonor.com is an internet/video production company. LifeHonor.com is a marketing support company for funeral homes. LifeHonor.com is your partner in Preserving your work for families and transcending the future.
LifeHonor.com- An internet/video Production Company.
We partner with you to produce funeral/memorial services for viewing on the internet. Our digital works of art can be viewed by those not able to attend this important event.
Additionally, a DVD is made FREE for the family to cherish for a lifetime.
LifeHonor.com artists know how to emotionally grip your audience and provide them with the highest quality production available. Capturing one time events are priceless and families will appreciate this service for years to come.
Your funeral home will be personally identified through professional voice and logo name recognition throughout the funeral/memorial service.
Additional DVD’s will be available for other family members for a nominal fee.
LifeHonor.com- A Marketing Support Company.
Why should YOU offer LifeHonor.com
The funeral home industry is increasingly becoming more competitive and owners and funeral directors are always looking for innovative ways to increase families satisfaction, increase profit and increase the number of funerals awarded per year, while keeping a wholesome and caring image.
This can be done through expensive advertising, which is not usually all that effective, or by simply allowing your families to provide you with the best form of advertisement available, word of mouth and family loyalty.
LifeHonor.com will emotionally attach your funeral home to new families viewing services on line and re-enforce existing families just why they chose to come to you in the beginning.
Keeping families satisfied is as important as attracting new potential client families; loyalties run deep and as you already know many families will return to a trusted funeral home each time a loved one passes from generation to generation.
The Future of Funeral Service
Funeral directors are the event orchestrators of an individual’s final disposition. Life Honor is here to provide funeral directors with the final step in preserving their endearing work for families to witness for generations to come.
It is no secret that the internet is a fountain of information. So why not use the internet to help grow your firm? How? With online reviews. Ask your customers to provide your firm with an online written review or testimonial. There are many different sites online where customers can post reviews of businesses that they have visited. Don't think this will help your business?
Below is a link to an article in the USA Today on this subject. It is a must read.
Businesses turn to Online Reviews to Grow Clientele
Picture by: Larry Armstrong for USA TODAY
He is a member of ConnectingDirectors.com and we are proud!! I spoke with one of our members today and learned that he (MortyMike) hosts his own radio show, "The Morty Mike Radio Show" on Saturday evenings from 6-9pm(est). I will be posting more info about Mike's show next week, but until then here are a details about the show. Details can also be found on Mike's Member Page.
Show Features
Morty Mic's Memorial tribute tunes
This is a segment in my show that I pay tribute to the anniversaries of those who have influenced both music and our lives that have gone to their final resting place
Morty Mic's Fun Funeral facts
These are tid-bits of knowledge related to the death care industries or just plain funny stuff
Morty Mic's Fun Funeral Facts Trivia
Every week I will ask a death care related trivia question. The winner wins a prize out of the “prize casket” and gets registered to win the book of the month
What is the Prize Casket you ask?
Well its a casket...Full of prizes donated by those in the funeral industries and funeral related items.
Some items may be,
-Casket key chains
-Mini-hearse key chains
-Aurora Casket Co. leather luggage tags
-Aurora Casket Co. Ring bound note pads with pen
-Irock109 or Morty Mic Mouse pads
-In Abba's Arms CD by: Tony Falsano
You just never know what will Fall in the prize casket next...
You have probably noticed the ad for our new sponsor: FuneralStat. Like Connecting Directors, FuneralStat offers a product/service that is pioneering the internet revolution for the funeral industry. FuneralStat has found ConnectingDirectors.com to be the perfect outlet to reach their target market, and together we look forward to revolutionizing the funeral industry. To find out more about the cutting edge service that FuneralStat offers, please read the below press release.
FuneralStat launches first online market tracking system for funeral industry
Subscription service part of movement to push death care business into the information age
SAVANNAH, GA – Funeral homes and other businesses in the increasingly competitive death care industry cannot afford to lose track of their competition, but monitoring market share can be a tedious and inefficient process.
Until now.
FuneralStat (www.funeralstat.com) is the first on-line market-share tracking service created to eliminate the laborious task of manually counting obituaries while providing an accurate, timely assessment of virtually any market in the United States. FuneralStat provides funeral homes and vendors with a cost effective, efficient system to stay up to date by taking advantage of the technology and convenience of the information age.
“Companies in other industries use the internet extensively to gauge their performance against their peers,” said FuneralStat founder Scott Weeks, a fifth generation funeral director at a family owned funeral home in Savannah, Ga. “Why should people in the death care industry still be thumbing through obituaries and manually charting data when the information is easily accessible online in seconds? FuneralStat provides them with the information they need when they need it in whatever format they choose.”
FuneralStat is part of the evolution of the funeral industry, and Weeks designed the service to accommodate people in the end-of-life service industry who need to stay a step ahead of the competition by staying in tune to the marketplace. Through extensive research, Weeks commissioned the construction of dependable software that compiles data from obituaries published in most major U.S. newspapers and generates online reports and email updates in a variety of chart and graph views according to the subscriber’s preference. Subscribing to the service and choosing a market requires only a few minutes, and the introductory monthly subscription cost is only $10.
Unique and useful features of the service include accessing online reports from anywhere with an internet connection, archiving data to create a market share history for the life of the subscription and the ability to read each individual obituary within any report. FuneralStat is currently available in Georgia and Massachusetts, and Weeks said the service will be available nationwide this summer.
“People in this industry need this information to make smart, informed decisions about their business,” Weeks said. “They need to know where they stand against their competitors, and they need to know sooner rather than later. And vendors from coffin and urn manufacturers to monument companies need to be able to adjust their sales strategies by knowing which funeral homes are growing and expanding.”
Please contact FuneralStat at (912) 897-3818 for more information or visit www.funeralstat.com to learn more. Members of Connecting Directors are eligible for a free month of service and can register by calling FuneralStat.
What is Skype? Skype lets you make free calls over the internet to anyone else who also has the service. It's free and easy to download and use, and it works with most computers. Skype offers free global telephony and unlimited voice calls with its next-generation peer-to-peer software. In addition to their free service Skype also offers paid services that allow you to call landlines and cell numbers. This could be a great feature to use in your funeral home to cut down on your phone bill, expecially if you call internationally.
I have read about Skype before but never really had a reason to use it... until now. There are two reasons I have invested it a Skype account:
It is an amazing service and I encourage everyone to visit their site and if nothing else sign up for their free service. To visit Skype please CLICK HERE. Once you have downloaded the Skype program please add Connecting Directors to your contact list. Or Skype name is: connectingdirectors
Saying goodbye is hard and I hope that we never learn to be good at it. There are two sides of every table in the arrangement room. The side which the funeral director sits on, wise with knowledge about our deathways, compassionate about the tear in the hearts of the bereaved and skilled in bringing a sense of order to the ensuing chaos of death. The other side, is the side where the bereaved sit, where the sadness and chaos of unfamililar tasks wraps around them as they take their first timid steps forward into the grey zone between death and committal.
Occassionally, a funeral director or their family sits on the other side of the table making arrangements. Suddenly death is very real and very personal. It is impossible to maintain any sort of distance when the person who has died is someone special and important in your own life. One of my funeral directors tells the story about when his wife died. She had been diagnosed with cancer and was in the terminal stage when she approached him about pre-arranging her funeral. It was not a task that he wanted to do and until she threatened him that she would make the arrangements with someone else, he refused to concede. Shortly after, she was admitted to hospital for her final stay.
We talk about anticipatory grief, getting ready, letting go, how to prepare ourselves and our loved ones for that final moment psychologically and emotionally. When that last moment comes, well, it seems to me that all the preparation goes out the window with the last breath. Death ravages us all no matter how prepared we think we are, it isn't real until it happens and then, it seems so surreal that it must be a bad dream that we will awaken from in just a moment. Then the reality sets in. This is death and there is no turning back. What did my funeral director do? He remembers thanking the nurse who called him from the hospital and then he sat there, phone in hand. He remembers wondering why he had listened to the nurses and gone home to have a shower, was it really that important. Then he did what everyone else does, he called a funeral director, who asked the right questions and set everything in motion just as it had been planned.
There were tears that were shared stories that were told and hugs that were given by friends and aquaintances alike. People who didn't know one another talked, cried and hugged each other and my funeral director. The visitation and funeral begin the healing time which lasts a lifetime, if we ever really do heal the tears in our hearts. Years passed and my director remarried, enjoyed what life had to offer him and his wife before tragedy struck. When we chatted, he told me that it was not any easier the second time than it had been the first time. The old numbness returned, the colors went out of life and again he faced the reality of death.
Last year, another funeral director lost his aunt, a woman he was particularly close to. The minister who performed the funeral commented on how different it must seem for the director to be sitting on the other side of the table in the arrangement room and even more so to be sitting in the first pew of the chapel, having remarks addressed to him and his family.
There is no easy way. A friend of mine said that we come into the world with great pain and we leave the world the same way. A funeral marks our passing through this world. The pain is great but so is the responsibilty we have to remember those we have loved and lost. Were it easy, perhaps we would forget. Death is not a ho-hum occassion.
We need to remember, especially those working in the funeral industry, that we, like the families we serve every day are not immune to the pain of a loved one's death and to avail ourselves as mourners to the 4 Ts - tears, touch, talking and time.
Thank you Randy for reminding us of our humanity.
CONCORD, N.H. — Since they first walked the planet, humans have either buried or burned their dead. Now a new option is generating interest — dissolving bodies in lye and flushing the brownish, syrupy residue down the drain.
The process is called alkaline hydrolysis and was developed in this country 16 years ago to get rid of animal carcasses. It uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are simil ar to press ure cookers.
No funeral homes in the U.S. — or anywhere else in the world, as far as the equipment manufacturer knows — offer it. In fact, only two U.S. medical centers use it on human bodies, and only on cadavers donated for research.
But because of its environmental advantages, some in the funeral industry say it could someday rival burial and cremation.
"It's not often that a truly game-changing technology comes along in the funeral service," the newsletter Funeral Service Insider said in September. But "we might have gotten a hold of one."
Getting the public to accept a process that strikes some as ghastly may be the biggest challenge.
Psychopaths and dictators have used acid or lye to torture or erase their victims, and legislation to make alkaline hydrolysis available to the public in New York state was branded "Hannibal Lecter's bill" in a play on the sponsor's name — Sen. Kemp Hannon — and the movie character's sadism.
Alkaline hydrolysis is legal in Minnesota and in New Hampshire, where a Manchester funeral director is pushing to offer it. But he has yet to line up the necessary regulatory approvals, and some New Hampshire lawmakers want to repeal the little-noticed 2006 state law legalizing it.
"We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.
State Rep. Barbara French said she, for one, might choose alkaline hydrolysis.
"I'm getting near that age and thought about cremation, but this is equally as good and less of an environmental problem," the 81-year-old lawmaker said. "It doesn't bother me any more than being burned up. Cremation, you're burned up. I've thought about it, but I'm dead."
In addition to the liquid, the process leaves a dry bone residue similar in appearance and volume to cremated remains. It could be returned to the family in an urn or buried in a cemetery.
The coffee-colored liquid has the consistency of motor oil and a strong ammonia smell. But proponents say it is sterile and can, in most cases, be safely poured down the drain, provided the operation has the necessary permits.
Alkaline hydrolysis doesn't take up as much space in cemeteries as burial. And the process could ease concerns about crematorium emissions, including carbon dioxide as well as mercury from silver dental fillings.
The University of Florida in Gainesville and the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., have used alkaline hydrolysis to dispose of cadavers since the mid-1990s and 2005, respectively.
Brad Crain, president of BioSafe Engineering, the Brownsburg, Ind., company that makes the steel cylinders, estimated 40 to 50 other facilities use them on human medical waste, animal carcasses or both. The users include veterinary schools, universities, pharmaceutical companies and the U.S. government.
Liquid waste from cadavers goes down the drain at the both the Mayo Clinic and the University of Florida, as does the liquid residue from human tissue and animal carcasses at alkaline hydrolysis sites elsewhere.
Manchester funeral director Chad Corbin wants to operate a $300,000 cylinder in New Hampshire. He said that an alkaline hydrolysis operation is more expensive to set up than a crematorium but that he would charge customers about as much as he would for cremation.
George Carlson, an industrial-waste manager for the New Hampshire Department of Environmental Services, said things the public might find more troubling routinely flow into sewage treatment plants in the U.S. all the time. That includes blood and spillover embalming fluid from funeral homes.
The department issued a permit to Corbin last year, but he let the deal on the property fall through because of delays in getting the other necessary permits. Now he must go through the process all over again, and there is gathering resistance. But he said he is undeterred.
"I don't not know how long it will take," he said recently, "but eventually it will happen."
Story and Photo Couertsy of AP and FoxNews.com
The ways in which a society deals with death reveal a a great deal about that society (Field 1997). Timing, place and social implications are culturally determined. Death is a part of a social system of expectations, rules and symbols that influence the dying and the bereaved. The choice of the method or methods of disposing of a body is determined by what is accepted by a particular community.
In the western world, the disposal of human remains is by burial or by cremation. Elsewhere, the body the body may be eaten ( see Conklin: 2001; consuming grief for a detailed description of compassionate cannibalism in the Amazon or Parry: 1993, Death and the Sacrophageous Ascetic); in other places, the body is placed in a seat in the corner of the family home and allowed to decompose, the fluid runoff being emptied daily until the corpse is dried ((see Huntington and Metcalf:1991, Celebrations of Death), some places the body is suspended from the branches of a tree in the wilderness ( Middleton:1983, Death in Lugbara). In every instance, the corpse is disposed of in a different manner according to the beliefs of the culture. If we look carefully, despite these methods seeming quite outlandish, barbaric or distasteful, what we find is respect in how the body is treated with the hope that the soul will make the transition to becoming an ancestor, a benevolent spirit that will favor the family with its blessings for fertility as well as success in work, crops.
The methods are different, the end result is the same for those we consider "other' as it is for ourselves; We want to place our dead respectfully with the others like themselves, in cemeteries or to return them to the earth, dust to dust, ashes to ashes. We want to feel that we have looked after our dead and in doing so, that we are able to move forward by returning to our lives among the living without the fear of being plagued by guilt or haunted by our own angry ghosts.
Hindu families have been cremating their dead for thousands of years, yet in the Western world cremation has existed for a little more than a hundred years. Only since Vatican II has cremation been accepted by the Catholic church despite the words of Augustine who admonished that the method of disposing of a body had no bearing upon the fortune of the soul (Letters of Augustine). Nonetheless, cremation was slow to catch on in England and North America ( it really has never caught on in most of Eastern or Western Europe). Cremationists cited sanitation, economica and aesthetics as reason for choosing cremation (For more detailed history of cremation in the North America see Prothero:2001). Only when there was a huge influx of immigrant families for whom cremation was the only choice of disposal did cremation begin to become more popular. The technology of cremation has become increasingly refined to meet government emission requirements. Cremation reduces the time the body takes to break down to its natural state to about 4 hours. In a fast paced world where most people are on the 'go', cremation is the quick solution ~ Who has time to wait around an eternity ?
Today, dependng on which state or province, cremation is chosen by approximately 40% of individuals for themselves or their loved one. The funeral industry was loathe to adopt cremation as an option, preferring the more lucrative traditional funeral and burial (Kubasak:1990, Prothero:2001). As a result businesses which specialized in cremation only began to appear as well as attracting the attention of the public who were impressed with the lower costs and immediacy of direct cremation. Kubasak's "Cremation and the Funeral Director (1990) details the struggle of one funeral director and his suggestions on how to incorporate cremation into the funeral home business. Prothero suggests that it was a situation of hopping on the bandwagon or being left behind in the dust. Funeral directors hopped on and began to market cremation finding memorial services and urns a new way of continuing their service relationship with the bereaved.
Recently new choices have been developed and will soon be marketed to consumers. Go Green has become a household expression which in the industry entails 'green burials" without chemicals in caskets that are totally biodegradable. Not really a new idea , Jews have been doing this for thousands of years. Think outside the box has become the catch phrase for cremation societies. Now, families will be offered new technology which will either freeze dry the body and then crumble it to dust (England) or which will use chemicals to dissolve the body tissue leaving the bones to be crushed to dust ( this brings to mind the Nazi lime pits and the more recent lime pits of Atlanta). The difference of course between the Nazi's and the Atlanta operator is clear in so far as the body will be treated with respect as it is returned or at least reduced to its new state.
Obviously, cremation, alkyline hydrolisis are faster and possibly more 'green" routes of returning the body to nature than is burial which can affect water tables with chemicals from decomposition. Equally obvious, it is not for everyone but it will appeal to some. Will it take off like a rocket? Probably not, most people have not heard about how this is normal for people who live in Borneo or other places and leave their dead in the corner to melt away. Then again, a hundred years ago, cremation was equally foreign and exotic, something practised by natives who lived far away in uncivilized places. Today, next to England we have some of the highest cremation rates in the western world. We have come a long way over the past 100 years in our outlook as well as our technology.
Looking ahead, I would hesitate to predict the successs of mortuaries who offer to dissolve bodies as an alternative to burial or cremation. Nonetheless, if we open our minds to seek out how other cultures understand death and disposal of their dead, we may come full circle in our own understanding of death and the place of our dead within our own culture.
This is a comment provided by Kathy Jackson to the Randy McCormick blog post; The Sun Dries, Without Prejudice, The Garments of the Rich and Poor. Kathy will soon be joining us as a guest blogger herself. I can't wait!!
Kathy's Reply:
If all funeral directors do not have Randy's code of ethics, they certainly should.
The funeral industry walks a very fine line ~ as funeral professionals, we deal with the bereaved in our community by providing guidance, reassurance and emotional comfort at a time when people are at their very lowest ~ as a business, we offer them goods and services such as caskets, chapels, rooms for visitations. It is a tricky balancing act between providing emotional care and goods and services. At the end of every day, the books have to balance, buildings must be kept warm, lit and staffed and all of this costs money. At the end of the same day, we have families who leave our 'homes' and their loved ones. The rely upon our insight, knowledge and abilities to get them through this liminal period and assist them to take their first steps.
Is the bottom line the dollar? Jessica Mitford certainly believed that funeral directors were money grabbers who would sell or do anything to make a dollar (1972). Tony Walter proclaimed that the problem with the cost of funerals is that they cost at all (1993). The industry is constantly bombarded with negative press about the cost of funerals but is rarely praised (or the praise is short lived, pardon the pun) about the instances when it has bent over backwards to assist with a tragedy, whether it is a large scale Katrina or a small scale local incident. By and large, the attention the industry receives is negative. Nonetheless, every funeral home has expenses which must be paid, which results in charges to the bereaved.
There was a time when our dead were dealt with by the very people who had years before brought them into the world - midwives would come and wash and dress the body with the help of others in the community. The dead would be laid out in his chosen clothes for the wake which was held in the family parlor and carried to church for the funeral, buried in the graveyard adjacent to the church. The reception was prepared by the ladies of the community. The cost incurred was minimal, the work was done out of necessity and respect. Everyone helped because everyone knew that one day, they would also rely upon the kindness of the community when they or a family member died. Today, the picture is very different. Instead, families are willing to pay funeral professionals to look after the details from removal to burial or cremation. The role of the community and that of the mourner has changed drastically over the past 100 years or more. As a result an industry was born and a new group of professionals evolved - funeral professionals.
The former Alderwood group had in place a 'golden rule' policy for families who chose not to turn to social services for assistance. I suspect it grew out of an earlier policy that was held by many independent funeral home owners long before unit pricing became mandatory and each family was given a price for the funeral which included the casket and visitation. The very first family I met at the funeral home was a 'golden rule' family. They struggled with using a cloth casket instead of a more expensive wood casket and it was the funeral director working directly with them who assured them that they could spend less without any shame. The room was tastefully decorated, the casket spray was beautiful, the memorial cards were plentiful and a full compliment of staff were on duty for the visitation and funeral. Before the widow left the funeral home, she shook each staff members hand and thanked us for making her feel like an important patron. The truth is that she is an important patron. Every family is important to our funeral home. Advertising which is done by word of mouth is worth much more than any advertisement on the radio, tv or in a newspaper. Our widow was shown the same respect and kindness that the very next family who spent more than double received. She was not the first, nor was she the last family that came through our funeral home and chose not to use social services.
I have been present at funerals where there were more staff than mourners. It is an honor to be present and to give dignity to a life lived. Not everyone is a baron but everyone has a story to tell, some more sad than others.
A final thought ... not mine to claim but to share:
The Funeral Directors Prayer
Dear Lord, give me the patience needed to serve everyone as my own;
The wisdom to understand others feelings;
The knowledge to learn as well as to instruct;
The kindness to treat everyone equally at all times;
The strength to endure long hours and hard work;
The desire to serve others as I would my own family;
The humility to accept words of thanks and praise;
The compassion to be able to touch another’s soul;
The pride and the right to smile when I have served a family well;
and, Lord, most importantly, the right to shed an honest tear
when my heart is touched.
Lord, make me thankful that I am a Funeral Director. Amen.
&nb sp; & nbsp; Author unknown.
Perhaps this should be our code of ethics.
This post upset me tremendously, because God is not sought by all Funeral Directors.
To say that God is on the side of a Funeral Directors or the funeral industry is quite a stretch. It seems to be implied in your post.
Yes many are honest and truly have the family interest at heart. I became a Funeral Director because I wanted to help families. Indeed the lights need to be paid and the books need to be balanced. However there are recent scandals often unreported by the press and blogs. In Illinois the IFDA, or the Illinois Funeral Directors Association lost 40 million dollars of the IFDA Preneed Trust fund. The IFDA's license to manage the trust money was removed by the Comptroller of the State of Illinois. This was reported only in one statewide newspaper.
Nationally, NPS or National Prearranged Services, shut down this year because someome ran off with the folks money. A large amount of money. This was a large scale scandal that happened. Families need to be aware of these scams.
Inspite of this Congress on April 29th Initiated after little debate the National Funeral Directors and Morticians Recognition day Day. Many times individual funeral Directors have run off with preneed funds as well. On April 29th 2008 The recognition day was passed by the House of Representatives with a voice vote.. Congress and the media have not investigated Funeral Director's inability to keep themselves honest.
The public is not forewarned about dishonest folk in the funeral business. They are in many funeral homes. All Funeral homes are not honest as yours is.
The NFDA by itis own admission is quite hypocritical on the Funeral Rule. In it's May 2007 Issue, it admited that it publicly supported the funeral rule it's magazine and at the same time worked against the funeral rule in Congress.
No God is not on the funeral director's side but on the family's side. And many families are quite capable of handling the details of a funeral that the funeral director does. Yes families need to pay funeral directors on some of the details of a funeral but they also have the right to handle many of the details of a funeral themselves when they are strong enough and willing to do so! An honest funeral director will keep the families interest first, often the line is blurred and this does not just happen. I have done funerals where nobody came. They deserve the same service as those where thousands showed up. I am not attacking your personal or funeral home's goodness. The families need to be aware of funeral folks who are not good.
R.Brian Burkhardt.
I am truly sorry if you found my comments offensive.
My discussion focuses on funeral professionals and their role as caretakers of the dead and the living regardless economic status, religion or creed. I give a brief history of the evolution of the funeral industry. I suggest that the industry has been criticized by several authors who focus on the financial aspect rather than the role which has evolved. I offer a personal story of a family which benefitted from what was once known as the "golden rule' policy and suggest that word of mouth advertizing is something every funeral home benefits from and yet costs nothing beyond personal kindness and insight on the part of the staff.
I do not suggest that every funeral director needs to turn to God. The prayer, which begins by invoking God, is the way most of our prayers begin. The phrase 'in god we trust" occurs on your currency, it is in your pledge of allegiance, and can be found in your national anthem. God has played an important role in the growth and development of your nation. I do not suggest any particular god, merely that those who choose to include the phrase Dear God, address it as they please, and those who do not, well, that they read beyond the words and find something in the words which follow that calls to their sense of who they are as funeral directors, what they do and how they do that task - with kindness, wisdom, knownledge, insight, compassion, humility - for their families and for themselves as individuals who perform one of life's most difficult and yet honorable tasks, caring for the dead and the bereaved.
I would like to address your comments concerning the public and their need to be alerted about the rogue funeral directors that may lurk in their community. I agree completely, the public has a right to know if they are being abused by a professional. This applies to all professionals - doctors, lawyers, accountants, mechanics, priests and everyone else who has dealings with the public whether they charge a fee or not. I do not presume that my local catholic priest molests little boys because a priest in Boston did. I do not presume that all preneed sellers are thieves because there was an incident in Ohio; not all crematoriums are throwing bodies into lime pits because one did in Atlanta. My point is that we cannot fault an entire profession for the poor decisions of one or even several individuals. Jessica Mitford found any number of rogue funeral directors and made it her life's work to have the funeral industry regulated. Did it benefit the consumer? Some say yes, many still say no. What it did do was bring everyone into line and make them responsible to a government agency. I suggest that rogue directors be disciplined, their licenses lost or at least hefty fines be levied and that they be recognized as rogues rather than representative of the profession. The public needs to be aware of scams - not just funeral pre-need scams but all scams which they may fall prey to - that is the role of public awareness programs run by the funeral profession as well as by others including lawyers and accountants.
I like to believe that most funeral directors are honest and compassionate and can see beyond economic status. I like to believe that most funeral directors have the insight to help families do those tasks which they feel comfortable taking on in regards to looking after their dead. In my experience, most families do not want to wash and dress their dead; they would prefer that a funeral director/embalmer do that for them. Of course there are religious groups who come in and regularly attend to these tasks but for the most part, most people are quite removed today from death (Gore, Laderman, Walter). In England, part of the mourning process is to take on specific tasks such as registering the death with the city council and providing the death certificates to the funeral home. It is a process which many elderly individuals struggle; There are places where families still lay their dead out at home and wake them; In North America, this has gone by the by for the most part as I noted in my original comments. I believe that most funeral directors would not turn away a family member who wanted to help prepare their dead. Families play an important role by giving funeral professionals a sense of what direction they want to take concerning embalming, disposal and what type of service they want , whether it is secular or religious or a mixture of personal reflections. That brings me back to my point about God, and the fact that spirituality is at an all time high in America despite the decline in numbers of individuals attending church ( Wuthnow, Bibby). It is not the case that God has been abandoned, our families still believe in heaven and God and angels, to wit, we are still doing funerals which include members of the clergy who perform a rite of passage. Families make this choice. In the end, what we do is for the family .. it isnt about what I believe or you believe but rather what they believe.
What I do believe is that funeral professionals deserve to be seen and heard in the public forum as teachers about north american deathways including death rituals and rites, costs and choices available so that the public is more aware of where to find good service and who to turn to when they believe they are being 'scammed'. I believe that there are many good funeral directors serving their communities with honesty and integrity and I will continue to believe that until I am proven otherwise.
